


Like Steel / Like Porcelain

by Nadja_Lee



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-28
Updated: 2002-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Legolas and then Aragorn thinks about their attraction to each other.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel/Legolas Greenleaf
Comments: 4
Kudos: 230





	1. Like Steel

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Sorcieré for the Beta!
> 
> For J. Marie with love

**Like Steel**

I watch him. I've always watched him. There's something about him; there always has been. It's in the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he looks at me…it's everything about him.

I saw him for the first time not long after Lord Elrond had taken him in. He was a quiet boy who seemed to prefer solitude to people. Already then I felt there was something special about him. He always seemed strong, sure, yet alone and sad. He was complex, a paradox that didn't grow lesser as the years went by. He was two souls caught in one body and he began to realize that. It hurt me to watch his battle with himself and the world as he fought to fit in. I knew it was his battle to fight but I still wished I could help him.

After much sorrow and many years he finally accepted what he was; a man caught between two worlds. That alone makes him unique but not just that. It's his way of taking the best of both worlds and making it his own. It's the way he seems like the protector and in need of protection at the same time. There is just something about him.

I never said anything of my fascination for him. I waited for him to come of age. Now I realize I may have waited too long. I see the Evenstar around his neck and I know what it means; Arwen has bound herself to him. If he and I shall ever have a future together it's now or never.

I've thought a lot about it. So many times have I started to say something to him but stopped at the last minute. I know of the strange taboos about two people of the same sex that humans have. I don't understand them but I fear maybe Aragorn has taken them in. If that's so, only he can break the bonds that tie him down; I can't do that for him. I can protect him, take care of him and love him but I can never free his mind and spirit for him. Only he can do that.

I don't expect anything from him; whatever he chooses to give me is a gift. To me he's not Estel, he's not Gondor's King, he's not a leader of man, he's not a protector…he's just Aragorn. Whatever he wants to be to me I accept as it is. I have wishes and desires; dreams I want to see come true but I have no expectations of him. He is who he is and that's all I need to know.

He's like steel; strong yet soft, firm but so easily broken. He's like the sword he fears to take up so much; whole and broken, all at the same time.

Whatever decision he reaches I'll respect. I only wish happiness for him and even if that means he will remain nothing more than a friend, then so be it. I just hope he lets his heart rule and not his mind, fears, and doubts.

A friend of mine whom I told about my love for Aragorn asked me what I see in him. Why him? He's a strange cross between two worlds, belonging to neither. He's not an Elf yet not entirely human either. He's a King yet has no Kingdom. He speaks the Elvish tongue but he won't live forever. He couldn't understand why I would want such a creature; me, a prince of Mirkwood who could have any man or woman I wanted. I smiled at him and simply replied;

He makes my heart glad.


	2. Like Porcelain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn thinks about Legolas and his attraction to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Sorcieré for the Beta!

**Like Porcelain**

I watch him. I can't help it. It's the way he moves, the way he turns his head, the way he talks, the way he walks…it's everything about him. He speaks to me in a way no one has ever done before; not even Arwen whom I love, whom I've known since childhood…and whom I will one day marry.

He has a grace, a kindness around him that spellbinds me. It's not just his flawless outer beauty. I was raised among Elves and I'm used to that. It's what inside, it's what I see in his eyes, what I read in his words…what I feel when we touch.

My own desires are tearing me to pieces. I want to hold him, to kiss him…to tell him I love him…but I can't. For Elves it is normal, it is natural to at least once during their Immortal life to take a lover of the same sex but not for humans. It is forbidden among humans. I was raised among Elves; I was raised as an Elf. For many years I never saw another human; for many years I didn't even know I was human. I felt different and my ears weren't like theirs but as a child it's not something you think too much about. Then with adulthood came reality and truth; I wasn't an Elf and I never would be. I could get ill, I could die…and I would. Humans lived by rules so much different from the ones I was raised by that I felt even more isolated. In my mind I knew I was human but my heart and thoughts remained Elvish. For years I refused to even learn the human language until I realized not knowing was a handicap I couldn't afford.

I was afraid of the human side in me. Afraid of its weakness. I learned that my human forefather hadn't had the strength to resist the ring…if he in his human greed had taken the ring, what would prevent me from doing the same? For so many years I felt like a fish out of water; not at home neither with humans nor with Elves. As a child my world had been perfect for I hadn't known reality but suddenly my world had turned from clear shades of black and white to a disturbing shade of gray which confused everything.

I went from one extreme to another; first I completely denied my human half and then I tried to do the opposite but found no peace with either. At last I accepted that I would always be something in between; a man caught between two worlds, two cultures…and two possible futures.

My father, Lord Elrond, expects to see nothing but the elvish side of me because to him humans are weak. Arwen wishes to see the carefree boy she fell in love with and not the angst ridden man I've become. Gondor seeks its human King; Boromir waits for me to prove myself worthy of that. The Hobbits want a protector, Gandalf wishes a successor, a hope for the future, Gimli seeks a leader…only you, Legolas, only you don't put a label on me. To you I'm everything and nothing. You accept me as I am. That is what I've looked for my entire life. It's everything I've ever wished for.

The question now is which side of me shall I listen to?

The human in me? My destiny tells me to be a human King and lead a human people. But it's my human side that worries me so; it's the human in me that are weak, that wants and desires the Ring. It's the human in me that tells me my feelings towards Legolas are wrong and forbidden. It is the human side in me that gives me sleepless nights wondering if I'm wrong somehow; if there's something wrong in me for having such feelings towards him?

Or should I listen to the Elf in me? The Elf in me wants to go to him, embrace him, tell him of my feelings and kiss him. The Elf in me can deny the Ring, the Elf in me can be free of much worry…My first memories are seen through the eyes of an Elf, my upbringing was that of an Elf. I speak and I act like an Elf. I can see beauty in Elves but I can't find the beauty in humans. No matter how beautiful a human woman is or how handsome a human man is I can't see it. My eyes are used to elvish beauty, perfect flawless beauty and none are more flawless than my prince…Legolas. He's like a work of art; he's like porcelain.

Like fine and rare porcelain…but I fear I might break him should I reach for him yet I'll fall to pieces if I don't.

Human or Elf…steel or porcelain…

What shall I be and what shall I choose? What shall I follow? My head or my heart?

Porcelain…He's just like fine porcelain.

The End


End file.
